Updated: Oct 15
You become who you hang around; who else has heard this one before?
This is not a new phrase to me, but I have seen more frequently in social media posts and books; I must say that I have my own perspective. See, I believe we all decide where our lives go, we decide what we want, how we influence others, and how we allow them to influence us. Now, hang on and stay with me for a bit. I am not saying you shouldn’t be aware of who you are allowing to influence you; you absolutely should, but what I am saying is there will be people along the way who are important to you and that are a part of your life who perhaps are not after the same goals or objectives. Guess what you guys, it’s OK!!
Thinking back to my childhood, I can’t say that I remember my parents ever telling us that we would “become” anyone simply by hanging around them. Perhaps I just blocked that out but considering I have pretty good recall, I believe it is one I would remember. However, I do remember my parents always reinforcing my ability to do, become, and achieve ANYTHING I wanted from life. In fact, I clearly remember the phrase, if “anyone is going to do it, Jenny, you are.” Looking back, this really drove my mindset of what is possible in life. Not only for myself but as a leader, mom, wife, and friend. I’m generally that person encouraging others and definitely the optimist by choice!
Yet, I have people I love dearly in my circle who are opposite in perspectives, thoughts, and drivers. It has never slowed me down. Influenced at times, yep, sure did. Often in a good way that showed me another perspective, I needed to see. There was some redirecting I had to do at times too. But, I couldn’t imagine, nor would I want to imagine life without them.
As I look to how my husband and I raised our boy, this snuck in. My husband was brought up around the theory of “you become who you hang around.” As you can imagine, being that we were brought up very differently, Boe heard both perspectives. In hindsight, it gave him a good diversity of opinions. There were times I jumped over to Joel’s side in agreement when Boe was hanging out with kids that were not necessarily bringing out the best in him. I would quickly redirect and tell him he has the chance to influence them, which we all know is not an easy feat positively. This got interesting with the opposite perspectives between my husband and me, OK hard may be the better word. Yet, through the years with our boy, it’s neat looking at him now. He took all that knowledge that he learned from both of us and built his own perspective. He’s built a great balance of who he lets in “for what,” which is cool to see.
As I look to the relationship between my husband and me and this quote, we also have had our own growth. See, when I started focusing on my entrepreneurial goals and taking action, he was right there rooting me on and encouraging me. I loved this! And I am not proud to say I would get frustrated that he didn’t want to be a part of it; I was completely wrong. I started recognizing this with other close relationships too. I was having a bit of a hard time finding people in my circle who I could match minds with, bounce ideas off of, count on to give me honest feedback as opposed to the “I love you and don’t want to hurt you” feedback. I knew I wanted more, but I also knew I didn’t want to lose any of the amazing people in my life. And you don’t have to.
Fact is, I got this quote stuck in my head, from what “really smart” people were saying about “who you hang around” and started questioning if this was holding me back, ugh. Just because someone doesn’t have the same goals and focus as you, it doesn’t make them wrong or you right. It just makes them them and you you.
Don’t get me wrong; there will be people who come along that are just not the best for your health, mind, emotions, etc. This doesn’t make them bad or Toxic (personally tired of this phrase); it simply means your circles don’t align. And that’s OK.
Add to your circle! And this is where things really started changing.
Over the past couple of years, I learned the true meaning (to me) of this phrase. It’s not about letting people out of your circle that you love and care about; it’s about inviting people into your circle, people you know will help lift you, and you will lift them. People who will help support your goals and endeavors. People who you can match minds with. People who have similar objectives in what they are doing, health, business, and fitness get the point.
I knew for me; I needed to add to my circle. I knew I needed to engage with others who had similar business and entrepreneurial objectives. I also knew I needed to invite others who had similar beliefs about the law of attraction. So, that’s what I did, and it has been life-changing. Something I truly wish I would have recognized sooner. And, it made the relationships I already had in my circle that much stronger.
First and foremost, be grateful for all the amazing people in your life. Then try these steps to help fill whatever that gap is. This can look very different for everyone.
Here are a few tips/questions to ask.
What do you feel that you are missing?
What are your goals? What are you trying to accomplish?
Could a coach be a better option? Do you need help with your direction?
Look at your current circle. Could better communication be what is missing? Perhaps they have similar goals that they want to work on and talk about too.
Look back to people you have connected with in the past. Are there people who you lost touch with that you can reconnect with?
Where do the people you want to connect to hang out? If you are looking to improve your fitness, perhaps join a gym. If you start a business and want to surround yourself with a business-people, look into chambers, round-tables, or other associations. Perhaps you are an outdoor person and looking to meet other outdoor people, check out meetup.com. I have not used it personally but have heard good things.
Finally, when you get started and meet new people, keep it simple and start with “Hi, I’m ___.” I’ll be working on a blog and worksheet to help with those starter conversations yet this month. Need some help on it sooner, message me, be glad to give you tips.
Find the people who challenge you, encourage you, have your back, and help you thrive in life; you will be glad you did!
Till next time my friends, much love, Jen.
Looking for a coach and want to do a consultation call? Drop me a line.