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Twelve steps to building self-love




When I look at these three phrases, I find them intertwined – each one impacts the other.

But the bottom line is, above all else, being kind to and loving yourself is so very important to living a thriving life.

It can help improve relationships.

And, more so, it can and is good for your health.

Global self-love index by The Body Shop indicated:

60% of people wish they had more respect for themselves.

One in two women feels more self-doubt than self-love.

I found these statistics to be alarming!

In a world where we face criticism, judgment, and comparison daily, the one person we should always be able to love is ourselves.

Explore who you are!

I often hear people say some form of a comment that they don’t know who they are or have trouble choosing what they want in life.

Work to become the expert of yourself.

What makes you happy or brings you joy?

What do you want for yourself and your life?

Create your Non-negotiables

In life, there are so many areas we end up compromising on. From the things we would rather not do at work; to those things that we do for people we care about, that we don't necessarily want to do.

But and this is a big one!

There are areas we should never compromise when it comes to our values, beliefs, and core desires.

Have you ever taken a look at your values, inner beliefs, or truths you want to live by?

If you haven’t yet, go back to explore who you are and get clear on this part. After you do, decide what your line in the sand is. What are your non-negotiables in life?

Recreate those negatives & Debunk the falsities you have created about yourself!

Body Image


Internal self-criticism

The fact is, we all have areas that we are harder on ourselves than others. But there is a line between what we want to do/be better at, versus – tearing ourselves down or criticizing ourselves for the things we are doing or how we are being.

Often those self-deprecating remarks come from past false beliefs or trauma.

Take a look at how you give yourself feedback and start recreating how you do.

Use the feedback as growth, not to tear yourself down.

Heal the past

Those false beliefs/traumas I mentioned earlier can plague us if we let them.

Take the time to get to the root and heal them. Some ways you can do this include:

  • Finding a coach to help

  • Journaling and/or writing in a way to release the past

  • Complete a timeline exercise of your life and when emotions were built. After you have, look back on those times and decide if you would like to keep the story built or change it. It is also beneficial to get into a meditative place and talk to your younger you.

  • Energy work

  • Consider seeing a holistic practitioner that specializes in Neuro-emotional Technique

  • Emotion Code

Take care of yourself!

It can be easy to fall into bad habits of going and doing instead of being and taking care of ourselves mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Make yourself and your self-care routine a non-negotiable! Need tips on how to self-care, check out my 45 self-care ideas

Be your biggest cheerleader!

It’s time to break away from the negative and criticizing and start building a healthy routine of self-appreciation and self-acknowledgments.

Do a brainstorm, identify all your best traits. What are your life accomplishments? Big and small, my friends. Yes, that grade school graduation counts! Make a list of your achievements to date and start adding/building to them. Then find a way to celebrate these moments. Maybe it’s a happy dance when you complete something?

Forgive yourself!

Shame – Guilt – Regret

I hear these words often from clients. Unfortunately, they can hold you back and cause a whole host of mental, physical, and emotional issues if you allow them to consume you.

We can’t change the past!

Decide what you can change, do that, and move on from the rest.

Celebrate Mistakes

The truth is, mistakes are really just lessons that we are getting closer to where we want to be. They are proof that we are heading in the right direction.

Learn what you need to from them and move on!

STOP allowing others to tell you who you are – You are not required to accept their truth!

This one is BIG, my friends.

Other people will always have their perspectives and opinions but, you are not required to agree.

Learn communication and confidence skills to stand more comfortably in your choices and who you are. And learn how to disagree politely.

If you need to, go back to defining who you are and who you want to be so you can draw your line in the sand and be more confident and comfortable in your being.

Practice a three to one rule!

Each time you compare or criticize yourself to another person, you need to find three positive things about yourself.

Create boundaries

Not everyone in life is good or healthy for us. First, decide who needs to exit your life.

For the people you know are not healthy but cannot exit from life; create boundaries and space.

Be careful not to judge them or the situation. This does not mean either of you is more right, wrong, good, or worse than the other; it simply means that the two of you together are not a good energetic match.

Say YES and NO more!

I know this may sound counterproductive, but we need to do more of both.

Say ‘no’ more when you are going to overcommit or simply don’t want to do something.

And, say ‘yes’ more for those things you really want but haven’t made the time for.

Go on adventures!

Meet new people!

Get out of your comfort zone!

Wrapping up...

You deserve a life where you love every part of yourself, quirks and all. Choose one of the points above and get started!

And, as always, BE KIND to yourself!

Looking for help on the journey. Book a discovery conversation with me today

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